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Date: 03.01.2013
From: anonmymous

Subject: My Mom

hi everyone,
I am struggling and wonder you anyone has any advice. My mom has has RA for a long time now! unfortunately several years ago she was diagnosed with bowel cancer she got the all clear from this then to be told she had ovarian cancer due to the treatment she recieved she had to stop taking methotrexate. Through the treatment for the second cancer her behaviour changed.

Now her RA is the worst it has been and the doctors have said due to her medical history there is limited treatment they can try but to retry things she has had in the past. She now has no trust in the medical profession refuses to try any othre treatment or even go for check ups! She is now finding it difficult to write and hold cutlery and walk long distances.

Her behaviour has been problematic but this is basically destroying the family. My dad is trying his best help as much as he can but she seems to be angry all the time. She has lost all social skills, one minute she is angry the next crying, she spent half of christmas afternoon in bed then dad had to bring her home from my aunts because she sat on her own all night never acknowleding anyone or if she did says bizarre things under her breath. I am stuggling for things to suggest, councelling? aids? some support but this just ends in an argument! my dad has said he is not going to any other family gatherings as it is embarassing and her behaviour is uncomfortable for us and others. From a concerned daughter who loves her mom but seems to have lost her.
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Date: 03.01.2013
From: .marlene

Subject: Re: My Mom

Hi there, sorry your mum is so sad. May I ask how old is she?
There could be underlying problems,has yor mum been checked for a urine infection this can cause bizzare behaviour in older people.
Your mum sounds like her confidence has gone, maybe you and dad could take her to your gp.
Try just taking your mum for walks in her favourite places to remind her what she is missing out on.
Her pain may be causing depression. Your mum has had a lot to deal with. W hen life keeps throwing things at you it takes the wind out of your sails and of course it can make you a totally different person.
Take care and hang in there please come and chat anytime and let us know how things are going.
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Date: 03.01.2013
From: Colin

Subject: Re: My Mom

hi

not sure what we can help , dont understand why she cant have Methotrexate , other treatments dont work that well , fish oils & glucosamine helps but she need proper help

the link section above has got the links for Arthritis Care & National Rheumatoid Arthritis Survey , both have free help lines & I would give them a call or NHS direct

hope they can help you & your Mom starts to feel better
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Date: 03.01.2013
From: Linda

Subject: Re: My Mom

I wonder if your mom is very angry. I have had a couple periods of intense pain and felt extremely angry, particually with the my Doctors.

My mother was severly disabled with RA. The last years of her life, she was in a lot of pain. She was taking morphine type drugs to control her pain. Sometimes she could be really nasty and downright unreasosnable. I was never sure if it was the pain that was causing it, or the drugs she was taking.

I'm not sure why they won't give her certain drugs other than they might increase the risk of cancer. I do hope she can find some relief. Take care.
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Date: 03.01.2013
From: Emm

Subject: Re: My Mom

Sorry to hear of your sad family crisis, I hope your mum can get some help.
RA on its own is a horrid illness.
It can take a long time to get medication sorted and it can seem like you are fighting a losing battle.
I hope you all get through this somehow and that finally your mum gets sorted
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Date: 03.01.2013
From: bsk

Subject: Re: My Mom

Hi there, I am thinking along the same lines as Linda that it is the pain that is causing her to get angry. My mother also had very bad disabling arthritis and it made her bad tempered and irritable at times. I am too when in pain and didn't realise quite how difficult things were for my mother until I got ill myself.

A suggestion - maybe try and spend some quality time with her where you just take your lead from her. I did this with my mother and it helped a lot. I stopped making suggestions about things that could help and tried to improve my relationship with her by focusing on things she wanted to discuss or do. I was only trying to help her but she saw it as interfering.

It's a hard thing to say but your mother is an adult and she probably knows what she should be doing and everyone chipping in with their views might be making her dig her heels in. Give her some space for a bit and see what comes out it. In the meantime, see if you can do some small things to make her life more comfortable - often that means more than the big things. I remember buying my mum some gloves she could use when out on her scooter - they weren't very expensive but it meant a lot to her.

Keep in touch and keep posting.
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Date: 04.01.2013
From: Deborah

Subject: Re: My Mom

Hello,
My mother had severe rheumatoid arthritis she took it at 24 and I know exactly what you are going through.

My own mother just felt exactly as your's so how the family coped was we just let her decide what she wanted to do and when she wanted to do it as we understood she was in an extreme amount of pain .

We knew that her pain made her very cross and she would have said a lot of cruel thing's she didn't mean so we just learned to live with it.

I would imagine your mum feel's like no one understand's what she is going through and she probably feel's very cross at the fact of why she has to suffer this.

Also she may have heard about other people with the same disease having better luck with their treatment's and she can't understand why nothing work's for her.

If you could get her to maybe go back to see her specialist and maybe try some form of treatment as our bodies get used to drug's and then they are not as affective and that is why we must keep seeing them in order to get our medication changed I know it seem's like a long struggle but it is the only way that she may get some relief.

I have pa arthritis myself and have found it very hard to get sorted with medication and I am still not sorted but I have to keep trying as I could not suffer the pain of this without some form of pain relief.

I used to say to my mum that I am not a doctor and I don't know anything about what you are going through (although I do now) so how can I help you?

So hopefully you mum will start to go back to see her specialist and I do hope she will start to find some relief even if it is only a little.

So good luck and if you ever need to talk come on here as I found the people on here very helpful Deborah xx.
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Date: 04.01.2013
From: Emm

Subject: Re: My Mom

What good advice bsk.
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Date: 04.01.2013
From: Deborah

Subject: Re: My Mom

Hello,
It's Deborah again sorry mean't to tell you to ask your mum if she would be interested in coming on here as she might find that talking to other people with the same illness help's her in some way.
All the best Deborah xx
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Date: 04.01.2013
From: bsk

Subject: Re: My Mom

Thanks Emm x
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