My name is Cherie I'm 46 years old & I have Arthritis... simple to say & simple to write but not quite as simple to live with day after day, year after year.   The word has become part of me, almost belonging to me since first being diagnosed aged 13, then treating it as a joke, a way of getting attention oh, & rewards!   And let's not forget the material rewards. The word would become the director of my life, following a pattern of dramatic ups & downs - hitting me hard, punching me, gripping me, then letting go & releasing me. Twisting & forcing parts of my body into peculiar shapes and not seeing it happening, wondering when, how & why it happened - & how I missed noticing it happening - a pattern that has followed all of my life.

I am always surprised at how, whenever I see the word Rheumatoid Arthritis written or hear it spoken, I feel inside - how I get a deep tightening in my stomach & how the word leaps off the page at me forcing me to read on even though I don't want to - it's like a magnet.   Sometimes it feels like I'm a dog on lead being pulled, pushed & forced to go in the opposite direction & I have always felt slightly sorry for any animal on a lead.   They always have that look that makes me think they long to be free.

I've pondered, discussed & wondered why this happened to me, what had I done wrong? Was I being punished in some bizarre way, (someone once told me that I was being punished because I had been "bad" in a previous life), or was it simply all a big cruel joke?   I've tried to ignore it (very successfully for quite a long time) & I've distanced myself from others in a similar position as if somehow it was contagious.   And for a long, long time I thought I was going to be different...

It took 33 years before I could put my hands up & admit I needed some help on the emotional & phsycological side.   Admit to myself more than anything that I couldn't do this alone.   I had plenty of expert medical support & advice, plenty of family & partner support, loads of suggestions from well meaning friends, colleagues & strangers on how I could cure myself with the latest "wonder" pill, juice, cream, diet, attitude, religion & the latest new age weirdo therapy such as re-birthing, float tanks, regression, colonic irrigation & other unmentionables that I won't bore you with now!   What I actually needed desperately was some positive role models - in other words people with arthritis in a similar position to my self.   We all need positive role models with or without arthritis...

It never ceases to amaze me, on reflection of course, the path my life has taken, certainly one I would never have chosen; a path which has forced me to face my own prejudices; allowed me to make friends with people I would have otherwise avoided like the plague & in turn then met & made some fabulous, courageous, funny & best friends a girl could have.   It has allowed me to see how tragic, sad, unfair, happy, brilliant & amazing life can be all at the same time.  

It has elevated me to the position of "sideshow Cherie" - you would think coming from a theatrical background & training to be a dancer it would be one I would relish - but no - being a wheelchair user is a different type of theatre for this particular star struck attention seeker.

On this stage & in this production I've been talked over, talked at & talked about; I've been talked slowly to, shouted at, overlooked, stepped over, scrutinized oh, & tripped over...  sometimes I feel I'm so invisible & sometimes so visible that I can halt a herd of wildebeest at a glance... I've been cooed over, aah'd over, simpered at & pitied - all because I'm sat in a chair that has wheels.

To bring you up to date on some facts - I've now had 5 hip replacements, a Harrison loop, a tendon transplant, two broken knees (a result of being knocked over by my own car!) which resulted in 3 more operations to pin & plate both knees, one of which has now collapsed & I am currently debating whether or not to have an unexpected knee replacement in June 2005...

So your comments, suggestions, advice & support will all be greatly received via this message board oh, apart from anything weird & to do with irrigation...