Hi,
I'm Andrea and I am 35 years old, married with three little girls aged 8, 11 and 13. I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 8 years. I had a body that worked perfectly until I had what I thought was a frozen shoulder. It was agony but I had no recollection of how I had done it. I took voltarol and it went away. A month later, I became pregnant with our third daughter and I had a very fit and healthy pregnancy. Mum and baby all fit and well.

About six weeks later I began getting aches and pains in all of my joints. It went on for weeks and I was told that it was due to hormones and would settle down soon. It didn't! It got worse and worse until around the 9th week I had a massive flare-up and everything froze up. I was in agony and couldn't do anything for myself. I was confined to the front room and had family nursing me. Pethidine injections were no help at all. I was still breast feeding my daughter but I couldn't hold her, so my family propped her on cushions on my lap. Eventually I had to let go and let family bottle feed her. This killed me as I had fed my other two daughters until they were 9 months old and I was worried about her bonding to my husband and mum instead of me. I was also worried about her health on bottled milk, but I needed a cocktail of drugs and I didn't want to pass them onto her. I couldn't pull the velcro tabs on the nappies either. Everything was a nightmare at that time. It's hard to look back.

I spent the next 9 months trying to get someone to listen. Something was seriously wrong but because my rheumatoid factor was negative, no-one was too concerned. It finally came back positive 10 months on. I was given sulphazalazine (didn't work), then penicillamine (no improvement), then azathioprine (brought me out in blisters), then I had two weeks bed rest in hospital and steroid infusions and I was then put onto methotrexate. It helped but not enough.

The arthritis continued to rage on, causing damage to numerous joints. My big toes were the first to be fused, then a left shoulder replacement, followed by a right wrist fusion. I have just had keyhole surgery on my right knee which seemed to be better but the fluid soon built up again and now I have been told that I need a replacement. I am also waiting for operations on the other shoulder and wrist. Hopefully next year! I'm currently on an anti-TNF drug which is helping. I can't say that I have got used to having operations but I have learnt to accept them. They are done to help not to hinder so I see them as a positive and not a negative. I want to be as mobile and independent as possible and if that means having things fused and replaced then so be it, as long as I can still be me. I hate being restricted and in pain, which changes how I look at the world, so a few scars seems like a better alternative to me. all of my operations have reduced the pain and have enabled me to use those joints.

I did a Challenging Arthritis course which has helped me so much with the emotional side of living with arthritis and reading everything I can, everywhere I can, keeps me informed about new treatments and how to do the best for my body and mind. I feel like I am in control of what happens to me instead of sitting back and letting others make choices for me. I have a lot of questions for health professionals and we work together. I still get very scared of the future and how I will end up, but I try to focus on each day and do things to keep me up, happy, fulfilled and keep me going. Having trips to see family who live away or a holiday may be my project that needs planning and gives me things to look forward to. I have tried not to be bitter as it sends people running.

I have met a lot of great people through my arthritis and they have all taught me survival skills and how to have a sense of humour. I carry their advice and words of wisdom around with me every day. My life has taken a different path than I would have chosen but I have so much to be grateful for too. I'm still here to see my children's plays, sports days and hopefully to see them grow into healthy adults, some don't get that privilege. Every day is a struggle and a trial but with patience and rest I can do it. I can't change yesterday as it has been and gone but I can change the way that I greet tomorrow. In the first year I used to spend every night in the bath crying and asking God why me? But now I realise that this is my new life and it is here to stay until they find a cure and that it wasn't anything that I did to myself that made me like this. I have scars and deformities that were very hard to accept as part of the new me but I do think that they make me more interesting.