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Date: 12.11.2009
From: Debbie

Subject: sex drive 0

Hi every one its my first time on any site but im desperate, here goes, i have RA all over lower spine being my main whinge lol at the moment every joint is in agony i even have it in my jaw i was diagnosed about five years ago after many years of hospital,and many op, not RA related and im only 44 now, pain knows no age.I need help i have been married for 22 years and have had no SEX DRIVE, at all for many of the last 5 years. I wear a 75mcg TRANCE D patch and take @ 4 LYRICA for bleed through pain every day, has anyone ANY advice on this as i feel im loseing my hubbie now on top of it all.
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Date: 12.11.2009
From: gary

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

sorry to hear of your problems debbie. i was only diagnosed with r/a about 3 months ago so cant help im afraid. ( plus im a man lol ) there are a few women who post often on here that will try to help.
in the meantime try to keep your chin up.
gary
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Date: 12.11.2009
From: valh:-)

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

hi we did chat about this ages ago and it hard to have a sex drive when u r in pain and even when u get pain undercontrol u always worried incase it comes back lol so never truly relax. but just because u do not feel like going all the way there r still ways u can keep other half happy . but talk it through with him as we tend to think they mind even when they do understand and do not want to cause us more problems. hope u can sort it out good luck
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Date: 14.11.2009
From: jill

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

I Dont have sex....No Problem then lol tru...no pressure... if we want to, then we will, if I cant, then we dont....to bad, if he want to go Dump his load, he can use the Loo....sorry bout thats My truth!....dont want to offend, but its as simple as that...if a partner can Not understand, then he aint worth being with........ my fefllla is fab, understands the lot...im lucky I know....but when it comes to sex... that is Up to me, my body after all....
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Date: 16.11.2009
From: Debbie

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Hi Jill thanks for your reply, your right but it has to be a partnership, i need my partner to understand that i dont do this deliberately, he has grown to resent and blame me for how he feels. He could not be farther from the truth.
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Date: 16.11.2009
From: valh:-)

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

debbie sounds like he has problems he needs to sort out and stop blaming u why should u do something u would find painfull and would get no enjoyment from .
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Date: 21.11.2009
From: jill

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Debbie, Val is right, U need to sit him down, tell him how much u love him......but more importantly, take him to your next Rhummy appointment....involve him more in your treatment.....get him to read some of our views on here...... I, at the mo, am crippled from neck down to toes....every joint is inflamed, and my spine needs another spine op.....How on earth could I cope with sex...... I cant.....my fella understands, its all ok..... u need toi chat and have a heart to heart.....get him on some sites to red all about arthritis, and its affects......u r under so much presssure its cruel ...take care Debbie, let us know how u get on, we r all here for u ok xxxxx
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Date: 21.11.2009
From: jill

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

also Debbei, fact U have been married for 20 years, He shld understand and LOVE U enough to listen!!!!!apart from Pain , tell him the Meds stop our sex drive....... think Val posted somewhere that U dont have to do the whole Hog.... guess u can do only what u can cope with, as long as painfree.....Me, if im in Pain, tuff luck if fella wantts sex....he can go to the toilet..... or leave.....,love him deeeeply, but I need understanding, I wld NEVER put pressure on mt fella if he had R.A.....
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Date: 28.12.2009
From: Verit

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Just thought Id bring this back to the top and bring this up again coz Im really struggling with the lack of sex drive and so is my boyfriend! Im tired ALL the time and if im not im in too much pain and can't relax. its got to the point where I dread it so just try and avoid the situation.My boyfriend really tries to understand, bless him. But I can't help feeling guilty about it all the time. Is it the meds that do this or just the pain?
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Date: 29.12.2009
From: valh:-)

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

think it a mix of both sex drive had gone before started meds but could have been change or i am at that age where body starts playing up lol so could be anything . oh says have u got a headache i say no but u still not getting it lol . but to be serious he waits till i do feel like it saves him keep getting knocked back to be honest middle of the day best for me morning stiff and aching ,night exhausted so during the day best for me . what about every one else
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Date: 29.12.2009
From: Verity

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Never at the moment! lol
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Date: 29.12.2009
From: shaz

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

me too never seem to think about it let alone do it haha always too tired or feeling sick i lucky i soppouse oh never seems to complain we joke about the lack of it alot but thats about it dont know if its the meds or like val says my age have to give tjis one some thought,
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Date: 29.12.2009
From: KayJay

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Ho Hum waved THAT particular problem away years ago !

I would say having reached the age 55 [ nearly 56 ]with 3 grown up kids. If the guy cannot understand or have any sympathy with the intense pain you are going through then dump them. Sorry to be so blunt but life is too short so don't waste any time with people who do not have your best interests at heart. Look after no 1. This is exactly what I would advise my 2 daughters.
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Date: 30.12.2009
From: Kaz

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

Hate to rock the boat here, but its MEN we are talking about. They have to have sex, completely different make up to us girls.

It's a terrble position for you to be in, luckily some of our men understand but I cant see them being able to be celibate ... sorry.


I wish we had a miracle cure.... x
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Date: 30.12.2009
From: Verity

Subject: Re: sex drive 0

I need relaxing and romancing so I look forward to it. Certainly can't just switch on anymore. But this never happens. Maybe I should demand romance! :( Im only 24! Arrrgghhh!!
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